How to Save a Life by Eva Carter

Author:Eva Carter
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pan Macmillan UK

Chapter 36: Joel

25 December 2004

I’m in Love Actually overdrive, counting the hours till Kerry’s overnight shift finishes.

My backpack is ready: a bottle of alcohol-free champagne, luxury crackers and cheese, plus festive lingonberry garlands my mum got in return for hosting an interiors photoshoot at Curlews in the summer. At the time, Dad and I were united in our mockery. Not anymore.

In the movie-version of today, I’m going to present them to an earmuffed, rosy-cheeked Kerry as the snow falls photogenically on the seafront.

In reality, as I wait outside the ambulance control room, there’s no snow, just mizzle, and the morning’s still dank. But I get one bit right. At just after seven, Kerry steps out of the building with a colleague. She looks up and when she sees me, her eyes widen and her cheeks turn the deepest pink.

She says something to the woman she’s with, but her eyes don’t leave mine and she runs towards me. We kiss as though it’s been weeks, not less than twenty-four hours, since we last saw each other. In the nine days since I took her to the Coasters party, we’ve been meeting in secret whenever we can, making plans. It took me saying I might leave Brighton for her to realize she wanted to be with me.

‘Hey, you two, get a room!’ her colleague calls out, laughing. ‘Merry Christmas, Kerry. See you tonight if you can drag yourself away . . .’

Kerry ignores her colleague and kisses me. I don’t know if it’s for two minutes or ten or . . .

She draws away and my heart seems to stop. Fucking hell, she’s beautiful.

‘I don’t want to go home,’ she says.

‘Good, because you don’t have to.’

OK, she will have to, later. Tim is planning a ‘surprise’ festive lunch: she saw the bottle of Co-op Buck’s Fizz and microwavable turkey dinners he’d hidden in the garage. Even though she’s decided to leave Tim, she didn’t want to do it before Christmas. Too cruel.

To me, it doesn’t seem any less cruel to tell him on Boxing Day, but Kerry won’t be swayed. The kiss in my car after I took her to the Coasters Christmas party broke through our pretence that we can live without each other. No more denial, no more lies.

Old lies don’t count. I’ve considered telling Kerry about Zoë but it’s all in the past. I want to believe what happened was for the best, though sometimes I wonder. A baby was the last thing Zoë needed. Wasn’t it?

‘Why have you stopped?’ she asks. ‘Can you kiss me again, please?’

‘You’ve got to catch me first.’

I start to run, and Kerry runs with me, grabbing hold of the ridiculous garland I’ve wrapped around my waist. We head for the seafront, as Brighton kids always do. On the beach, a group of swimmers gather at the shoreline, ready for the annual Christmas dip.

‘Fancy it?’ I ask her.

Kerry shakes her head. ‘No way. But . . .’ She looks towards Palace Pier and nods.

‘It’s closed on Christmas Day.

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